In my last post on the Bylaws, I mentioned that I would be writing about some of the myths regarding covenant. I have been thinking a lot about this topic and am anxious to share my thoughts. However, another subject weighs heavy on my heart today, and I feel that I must share this, instead.
Surely, we all have heard words of major importance that have shaken the foundation of our well-being. Words like, "I'm so sorry, but she didn't make it," or "I'm so sorry, but it's cancer." For me, the top two phrases of heavy importance are, "I'm so sorry, but there is no heartbeat," from August 21, 2001. The other is from September 5, 2007: "Daddy's been run over by a tractor." Both sent me into an emotional tailspin, and I can still feel the weight of those words all these years later. Major life events change everything, but to a certain extent, we come to realize that these things are inevitable. We allow ourselves to acknowledge them and to process them in order to move on.
In 2009, one of the things that I learned with regard to words is that thoughtless words can have tremendous power. Jesus said in Matthew 12:36, "But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken." Certainly, I learned a long time ago that words can hurt, and I also learned to not take to heart the careless things that children and teenagers say. What I have seen over the last year; however, is how powerfully careless words affect others.
For example, I've learned that one disgruntled person has the ability to sway other people to their point of view. Passion can have a tremendous impact on how others feel and can spread like wildfire. Passion without reason is madness. I have heard some of the most impassioned, most heartfelt pleas from people that have had no basis in reason or logic--worse still, no basis in Scripture. I have learned to be very careful not to allow my emotion to sway my judgment. Practically speaking, what this means is that if I feel very emotional and impassioned, I wait before sending my e-mail response or before confronting someone until I have had an opportunity to calmly assess the situation. By the same token, trying to reason with someone who is overtaken and in the throes of emotion is an exercise in futility. It is better, when it is possible, to allow the impassioned person some time to "cool off".
Another thing that I have learned is that before we take sides in any situation we should:
1) Evaluate what Scripture has to say first, before we take sides. Consider the Apostle Paul's plea in Philippians 4:2: "I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to agree with each other in the Lord." Paul does not take sides with either woman; he implores them to agree with each other in the Lord. This is especially important in the church, because disagreement on an issue can lead to hurt feelings and even to dissension or factions. Disagreement on an issue is not wrong, but charity in all things is what we should strive towards. We must always remember that our testimony bears witness in the heavenlies (Ephesians 3:10).
2) Consider seriously the viewpoint of the one who has a complaint. It can never be assumed that members of the same church have the same view of things. The key to discerning a person's viewpoint is to examine how he or she feels about God's Word. Does he consider it to be infallible? Does she consider God's Word to be sufficient? Does he spend time in God's Word on a regular basis and pray regularly? Is the testimony of the person consistent with a humble follower of God?
3) Remember that Matthew 18:15-17 explains how to deal with conflict within the church. This is a very practical way to handle conflict, and should be remembered when one deals with a person bearing a grudge or complaint. As a fellow brother or sister in Christ, we must encourage those that we are in fellowship with to go and confront the person or persons that they are having problems with. Likewise, we may also encourage those who have hurt others to go and be reconciled to the ones they have hurt (Matthew 5:24).
4) Finally, it is wise to be cautious anytime one deals with another who bears a complaint. Most of the time, what I saw over the course of the last year were people who had genuine concerns for the spiritual well-being of the church and who wanted to see Christ glorified in our church. What concerned me greatly was seeing those few who did not seem to be interested in seeing Christ glorified, but who wanted to get their way--at any costs. This was evidenced by a focus on self--not a desire to see what God wants but an insistence on what is wanted by "me".
For myself, I evaluate the motivation and the meaning behind the messages that I hear. If someone tells me their opinion, I tend to evaluate their words and look for the meaning behind them. It is one of the keys to success in ministry, because oftentimes it is possible to hear hurt or bitterness in the words of another person. Fear, anger, and hatred are often masked with words of control and manipulation. It is possible to hear beyond the words that are spoken in order to plumb the depths of the heart.
In my next post on the Bylaws, I will discuss the myths about covenant. In the meantime, stay rooted in God's Word, which will help you to stay rooted in God's love. It is difficult to be swayed by careless words when you are strengthened and armed by the sword of the Spirit (Galatians 6:17).
May God's richest blessings flow over you,
Jennifer
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